I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
