if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
