I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
