Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
