I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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