if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
