You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
