pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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