highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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