Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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