So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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