WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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