There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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