Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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