I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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