If i could tip my vagina, i would.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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