things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
