you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
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You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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