my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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