goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
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Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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