How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he puts the penis in happiness.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
