Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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