mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
