Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
