Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
