I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
