guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
