So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
