If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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