Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
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Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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