I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
