I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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