then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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