We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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