i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
