something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
