My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
