____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
