He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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