At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
