Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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