Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
