I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
