She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
