everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
