her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Help. Why am I so naked?
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