I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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