You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
