fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
