My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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