weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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