I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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