it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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