I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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