Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
